Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Would this...?

I found myself crying in my car yesterday on my way to work, wondering if I could have kept any of this health stuff from happening if I had made different choices.  I was crying again on the phone last night to one of my friends, wondering what choices I could have made had it not been for the health stuff.  I know that the only answer is to let it go/take one day at a time/be here, now.  What nobody tells you is that acceptance isn't something you do once and then it's over.  You accept changes over and over and over.  The only difference is that eventually you don't have to accept them every day- they stay accepted a little longer over time.  It seems like a walking meditation, but a meditation that never ends, as you clear your mind of all the might-have-beens and get back to the actually-ares while leaving a little blank space for the still-could-be's.